Success, failure and what really happens

lifestyle

Let’s start with a walk down memory lane: you’re 14 and watching 27 Dresses with your best friend. You’re both shoveling chocolate into your mouths thinking that James Marsden is the cutest guy ever. You idolize Katherine Heigl’s humble, selfless character and think “wow I’m not going to be like her selfish sister, I’m going to be like her!” Well, kids, it happened. You’re 22 years old and your notebooks are falling apart with to-do lists and calendars. You’re saying “yes” to almost everything. And finally, you’re running between jobs to make everyone happy. What is the price of your 27 Dresses lifestyle?

People offer advice and help but what do you say when someone says you need to take a break?

All joking aside, I’m learning each day how crucial it is to take care of yourself. I read a quote earlier today: “you don’t have to be stressed or busy to be important.” And while I struggled to find the words of wisdom to help me through this time, those were them. I’m putting myself in difficult situations because working every day and being hopelessly tired every night means I’m important. Wrong. It means I’m stretching myself too thin and compromising other elements of my life: relationships, physical health, mental health, and even job performance. I realized today that due to my tiredness and lack of concentration last week, I really let some of my responsibilities slide. It affected so many other people involved in my job, and while I wasn’t obligated to work my main job while I was at my second job, I felt it was my duty as a decent person to not let more work slip through the cracks. I somehow worked two full days over the course of one normal work day. I slid behind doors that I knew blocked security cameras to answer emails. I ate cold pizza from a Tupperware container perched on my knees while I drove from the museum to my office to pick up some materials and have a short meeting. I mean, I tried living two days in one and that was insane.

Success isn’t defined by your lack of sleep. Failure isn’t defined by your attention to self care. Success isn’t characterized by skipping meals. Failure isn’t the picture of you in your blue bathrobe. The reality is, each of us defines success and failure in our own thoughts and actions. “Everyone is on their own unique path in life.” That’s been my mantra since embarking on this journey. My path is the road I’ve been on, but I’m driving the car.

I need to put myself first. I’m at a point where I need to feel confident in my abilities to an extent and feel like I can work hard and sleep hard, not just work hard and feel like vomiting all the time. Sorry for that visual, but I’m about telling the truth here.

So this Katherine Heigl martyr character shall be no more, and while I won’t undertake the identity of the inauthentic, selfish, wedding-crazy younger sister, I will stop being the star of my own rom-com.

Day 13 and some

drink, lifestyle

This weekend was incredible. The end to my 13 day nightmarish week felt like a celebration. While my physical body was exhausted on Friday night, mentally I was ready for fun. Here’s some real-time footage of my last day and a recap of my weekend.

I visited 2 cideries in the New Paltz area: Kettleborough and Brooklyn Cider House. Kettleborough exceeded my expectations. I found them by searching “cider houses” on Google and after not recognizing the name I admit, I did not have the highest hopes. How wrong I was. The cider was delicious, to start. Just the qualities I like: tannic, dry and effervescent. Unlike commercialized ciders, that are not bad in my eyes by the way, these ciders display the true transformation in the fermentation process. The flavors are more akin to a white wine than they are to a common cider. And yet the most incredible part of Kettleborough was the scenic view from around the cider house. Suddenly you were perched on top of a hill looking out on the Shawangunk ridge in it’s vibrant autumnal glory. If we weren’t freezing, we could’ve sat there forever. But like I said we were cold, and apple cider donuts beckoned.

The Brooklyn Cider House, while definitely a more well known name, was equally as enjoyable. The cidery’s New Paltz location occupies an orchard, Twin Star Orchard, in addition to a cider house. We chose a bottle of the raw cider which had that farm-y funky flavor that I’ve been really enjoying in farm beers lately. We enjoyed a pizza, a bottle of cider and a walk through the orchard. The full sun made this location a little more bearable in the elements. I stole an apple. No telling.

Really Saturday was wildly special because of my company: I love my boyfriend possibly more than I love myself. He is my best friend, and if you believe in soul-mates he is mine. But Saturday was also special because I took my new-found tasting knowledge out for a spin. I looked past my preferences and prejudices and tried a little of everything, and it yielded new knowledge and a greater variety to choose from in the future. It’s something I’m definitely looking forward to exploring more. I know I can improve on my tasting abilities and descriptions. Maybe a new journal? Who knows.

Day 12 10/11/18

lifestyle

Today was bad. Like how I thought the white wine was sweet because I tasted it after a particularly dry rose, today was particularly bad because yesterday was just exquisite. I’m supposed to be at an industry event right now, but I hope you realize that I’m not since I’m publishing this at 7:51pm. I felt like I was hit by a truck today and went home sick. I continued to work, let me tell you. My body literally hates me for my work ethic. But day 12 is the day that got me. Day 12 is also the day that forced me to throw away food. I napped briefly in the middle of bowl of soup number 4 so that sat getting cold and sad on my night table. Whole wheat egg noodles are also low-key gross, but I wasn’t about to get picky with my sick foods. I am thankful, however that I have so many frozen meals that my mom brought me. I need something spicy to really knock the mucus out of my head (sorry). My head feels like a balloon on the verge of popping despite the bowls of hot water that I mulled over with my blanket scarf draped over my head.

I’m especially bummed about missing the industry event, but my friend Kelly put it best: real adults don’t go to work when they’re sick. Since I’ve been working I still find it hard to view my coworkers as peers since I’m the youngest person in the office. I feel as if I constantly need to prove myself and stick through each and every day like my head is on the chopping block. But the reality is, I get sick sometimes. Everyone gets sick sometimes. I wasn’t sick for over 3 months, but this week was the week that got me and that needs to be okay. Taking one day to re-charge was necessary. I even worked from home, which is an option that I’m so grateful to have. Self-care and self-preservation are essential right now. They’re the tools that will enable me to produce my best work once I’m well rested.

 

Day 11 10/10/18

drink, lifestyle

Day 11 has been incredible. After putting in my 2 weeks notice I’ve felt extremely motivated at my main job. I visited an event location and interviewed the owner of a vineyard for an article.

As I approached the vineyard I had a stupid giant smile on my face. Fall in the Hudson Valley is picturesque, but this could make an oil painting look like an elementary school art project. The collage of trees distracted me until the expanse of grape vines appeared, extending back towards a group of barns. Opposite the vineyard is the Shawangunk Ridge, the mountains that occupy the area. My god, it was gorgeous,

I tasted 6 wines today. Yes, I got paid to taste wine. I first tried a Cab Franc, a variety that took extremely well to the area. I don’t think I’ve tried it before and it was a dry and drinkable red. Delightful. When I told the owner of the vineyard that I tried it, she asked if I usually like dry reds. When I said yes, she said that she would give me a list of wines to try that include some dry reds but mostly other varieties. She said the tasting room is exactly that, for tasting. I should feel comfortable enough to get out of my comfort zone and get out of the habit of only buying one type of wine. While I live outside the comfort zone, I understand that most people don’t want to bother spending money on something they won’t like. She made me feel like I was in good hands. Like if I didn’t like a wine I wouldn’t feel guilty because I’m there to discover if I like a wine or not.

When it came down to it and to my surprise, my tastebuds lingered on a light, citrusy white wine. I couldn’t take my mind off of it even as I interviewed the owner. I went back inside and bought a bottle. It’s burning a hole in my fridge as I test my self control and save it for when my boyfriend visits this weekend. The white is their best seller, and has evolved over the years the vineyard has been open.

Today revived me both energetically and inspirationally. I took advantage of my slow morning and enjoyed every second I was out in the field. Usually I bemoan transcribing interviews but for some reason I can’t wait to listen to this half hour masterpiece and write multiple pieces about this phenomenal place. I might even come back this weekend.

I learned so much today. My alarm just went off and I can’t believe it’s already 10PM. I’ve got 2 more days until my day off. Let’s not get too too tired before it’s all over. I’ve got big things coming.

Day 10 10/9/18

lifestyle

My vlog got deleted. In it’s entirety. I’m very sad about this. But anyway I feel as if it is my duty to inform you that I put in my 2 weeks notice at my second job. The moment I hung up the phone after leaving my message I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. I felt twice as motivated despite approaching the end of the day. I’m so much more inspired. I feel like my thoughts are already more focused. Now that I have a set number of days left, I can anticipate how much more I can accomplish in my primary job.

All day I felt irreparably tired. The skin under my eyes felt especially paper thin with soreness and sag my young face should not feel. For the first time in weeks I bought a mid-day coffee to wake me up. This is day 10 in my 13 day week and I finally felt the consequences of minimal rest: sore throat, sore eyes and a droopy head needing constant hand support only further clogging the pores on the right side of my face.

And yet I’m so excited about the next few days. Being on location and gathering content tomorrow should be invigorating, especially because I’ll be able to enjoy the outdoors. Thursday I’ll literally be at a party for work with no objective other than shaking hands and trying local food. I can’t wait to record and recount the next few days to you all. Hopefully via vlog so I can perfect my recording skills.

Waste Not and what I’ve learned

food

I’m going on my third full week of this challenge and I think it’s important to reflect on a few things I’ve learned thus far:

  1. Eating with little to no food waste is possible with some resources and knowledge of yourself and your own habits. If you know that bulk meal prepping works or does not work for you, then keep it up. I learned that bulk meal prepping really isn’t my jam and if I have an excessive amount of leftovers then those are more at risk to be wasted than perhaps leftovers that could provide two solid meals. I like making enough extra food to provide dinner, lunch and dinner again. That all being said, don’t be afraid of the freezer, but take a peek in there every so often and actually eat the things you have stored. Check once at night before bed and take one thing out to thaw for dinner tomorrow.
  2. Shopping for food is okay! I obviously ate perishable items first so as to not throw away any fruits or vegetables, but I could not maintain a healthy diet with only carbs, frozen meat and beans on hand. When shopping for food thing of needs versus wants. Go back to your inventory and see what you ate and what you threw out. Re-purchase what you ate in its entirety and skip anything that became waste on your behalf. When it comes to take-out or eating at a restaurant save the plastic reusable containers and don’t order more than you need. I like to eat take-out max. twice after the initial meal. Don’t get crazy with your order.
  3. If fresh vegetables or fruits are either not accessible or are sold in quantities too large for you or your family to consume consider canned or frozen fruits and vegetables as viable substitutes. These options can be cheap, convenient and nutritious alternatives to the pricy produce section. Canned tomatoes, canned beans and either rice or pasta as a full meal can be filling, delicious, waste-free and inexpensive. It’s a shame that people like me can buy and often throw away fresh vegetables while a large population can’t afford them to begin with. Less than 10% of Americans can actually afford to eat a balanced diet, according to this article. Everyone can benefit from canned or frozen options. Lets be smarter shoppers so as to not throw away another person’s meal.

At the start of this new week, my fridge is full of fruits and vegetables courtesy of my mom who stopped by while I worked day 8 of my crazy 13 day work week (vlogs to follow). I have leftovers from her in the fridge, which makes for less waste on her part and easier meals for me.

Sharing leftovers…good concept to work in this blog.

Waste Not 6

food

It’s that time of year. The weather is wack and everyone is slowly getting sick. It was time for soup. I had all the ingredients for tomato fennel soup in my fridge and I got to work. I used the remainder of the fennel from last week’s meal and used the remainder of my peeled tomatoes from last night’s pasta. Based on last week’s meals, I learned that mass meal planning is not the most effective way to cook for myself. I get tired of the same things after a while so freezing half of my raw ingredients (if I’m working with meat) or saving some unseasoned sauce and vegetables, for example, allows me to repurpose leftovers.

The fennel and tomato soup came together very quickly, and was the first soup I ever made using a blender! It utilized the rest of my fennel, all of my tomatoes, and things I normally have on hand. It’ll taste even better tomorrow with my toasted pita!

I bought some food yesterday, I’ll admit. It’s been a rough couple of days and I couldn’t deny myself the pleasure of happy cherry gummies and a quality bag of pasta. On the bright side, neither of those went to waste! I ate leftover pasta for lunch and have some dry pasta saved. I also ate all the happy cherries while watching Harry Potter last night. I’ll have to go shopping soon. While I consumed most of my food, I officially have no more vegetables and I will succumb to sickness if I don’t eat a vegetable in a few days.

Waste Not 5

food

There’s a reason it’s called a challenge: this is harder than I anticipated. Since I “cheated” I’ve had two more meals “out” and I sought comfort in a hot coffee and brownie from the museum cafe only just this afternoon. Unfortunately I had to throw away some food due to my inability to eat at home all of this weekend (bye bye, black beans, broccoli rabe and leftover rice). I think I need to start freezing things in a more timely fashion, and meal prep more realistically. How often will I actually want to eat the same roasted pork tenderloin? While you tell yourself “yeah I’ll just heat up the rest later,” how often can you do that with the same meal? Especially when you need a little comfort food? On my next shopping trip I’ll be sure to acquire smaller portions and more variety (two smaller bunches of different veggies instead of one large bunch).

Tonight I indulged in a little waste-free dinner option. Sometimes the dump-and-go dinner reigns supreme despite having leftovers. I had tomatoes, half an avocado and jalapeños that needed to get eaten. I sautéed a small onion in olive oil and scrambled some eggs in the same pan. Today was a double cheese day so I melted in one slice of American and finished it with shredded cheddar. I put the cheesy eggs on top of the vegetable mix and topped the bowl with hot sauce. I can call this the poor woman’s huevos rancheros, or just cheesy eggs for the soul, but one thing is for sure: nothing went to waste. I even have some leftover veggies and more eggs and cheese for either dinner or breakfast tomorrow.

Another problem I’m facing, aside from the leftover problem, comes from my “no shopping” rule. I ran out of fruits and I’m running out of veggies quickly. To not buy fresh produce limits my diet to pasta, canned items and frozen meat—not quite the balanced diet I need to juggle all that I’m attempting. I also run out of certain things like eggs quickly, but I can’t not buy eggs. As someone who doesn’t eat much meat and needs quick protein most days, eggs are essential. Once it gets down to the nitty gritty and I’m left with lasts, I can’t survive on only frozen hot dogs. I’d probably get wildly sick.

So I don’t know. Is shopping for food okay when I have food in my kitchen? Is meal prepping actually effective?

Waste Not 3, I cheated

food

That’s right. I’m a dirty cheater. I bought a sandwich. No ordinary sandwich. I bought a bobo—a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with a hashbrown in the middle. Why? Because I didn’t eat lunch, was in the right area to get one and was clouded by lust and desire for carbs, cheese and bacon.

To be fair, I ate the whole thing and recycled the paper wrapper so really I didn’t waste anything; however, the goal for this week was to spend no money on food as long as I had perfectly good food in my house. So I’m sorry. I feel like I can do better. My total spending on food today was $4.83.

On the bright side, I’ve learned that a well stocked spice rack is the best thing to combat the monotony of eating from the same selection every day. This morning I ate some absolutely heavenly oatmeal due to some careful spice usage. Instead of flavoring my oatmeal after its cooked, I flavored the almond milk as it was heating using cardamom pods, cloves and cinnamon. I strained the milk before adding the oats and topped off the bowl with peanut butter. It was warm and vaguely chai-like, which was perfect on a chilly morning.

I’ve decided to undertake a simultaneous project as well: bread starter. I bought a big ol’ jar yesterday and my baby has been bubbling away for 12 hours now. Hopefully by tomorrow I see some real action, but for now it’s still young. I can’t wait to make bread from scratch without wasting packages or watching a fresh loaf get stale and moldy before I can eat it all.

For dinner (if I even make it) I plan to use some of my already cooked spaghetti squash and add either leftover tomato sauce or make a quick butter and sage sauce. A key to combatting food waste is also to prepare as much of your fruits/vegetables in one shot. You’re definitely more likely to eat spaghetti squash if it is already cooked. Same goes for kale, swiss chard, melons and so on. The task of preparing each food as you eat it is discouraging, especially when you’re tired. I suggest cooking whatever you have either right after you buy it, or while you’re making something else. This way, its easy to say “oh here’s some already prepared kale, dinner is almost done!”

I’m sorry I cheated, folks. I feel awful and yet still oddly satisfied by the bacon. It won’t happen again.

 

Self-Care Sunday

lifestyle

I work 6 days a week and still try to make the most out of my one day weekends. My boyfriend came to visit on Friday night, which meant a week long cleaning spree in addition to planning how to fit as much fun into one day together. Friday through Sunday was a whirlwind of working, cooking dinner, hiking, drinking and working again, and I decided that instead of cramming a week’s worth of chores into one night I would actually take care of myself.

I opted for leftovers for dinner and I spent some time hanging out on my couch, catching up on some of my favorite Youtube accounts and calling my mom. Calling my mom took up an hour, but we fully caught up despite talking almost every day in short phone calls. I did some yoga (following this video) and it made my think of other ways to take care of myself.

My most recent mantra has been “everyone is on a different path,” but sometimes I reject that thought, and feel as if I’m failing. Today I needed to remember that people don’t post their hardships on social media. No one posts about how high the rent is, but they will post their fully decorated studio apartment. It’s important to draw similarities and learn from peers rather than draw conclusions and become jealous of a fabricated perception of another person’s reality.

It’s also important to prioritize your time and use it wisely. I could’ve made tomorrow’s lunch or prepped a wall for painting, but that would’ve worn me down after a full day on my feet. Why do that now when I can make lunch in the morning when I have extra time anyway, and prep my wall when I’ll actually be painting in a few days? Rome wasn’t built in a day, and wearing oneself down in order to conquer the world just makes them too tired to organize it.

A very important lesson I’ve learned (and I lesson I’m trying to apply more): take care of yourself. You can’t help others if you’re not well. You can’t pour from an empty cup, you can’t put the oxygen mask on your neighbor if you yourself are not wearing one. You won’t be productive and you won’t be as helpful as you intend to be. In a not selfish way, you need to put yourself first sometimes.